Monday, 9 August 2010

I Ought To Be In The Fetish Porn Business?

I looked at my Webmaster Tools stats.

You know how they say that the sorts of search queries your blog answers to should reflect what your blog is about? And you know how some people say that you might want to change your blog to reflect what searches bring it up? As in, if you are blogging about the ethics of different brands of diapers but somehow Google has decided to offer your site to people looking for "puppies and windmills", then you should consider blogging about puppies and windmills instead?

If that's true, I'm writing about the wrong thing entirely. In the past, I have received visits from people interested in grammar, figures of speech, Renaissance sonneteers, cookies made with ham, and pachycephalasauruses. I've been getting weird searches every since this post and this post, but before now it hasn't been bad. These days, however, the search queries that find my blog are about a very select number of topics, namely the following:

1. Dracula's brides
2. Wynona Rider's breasts
3. Naked amputees (especially Aimee Mullins)
4. Sexy black albino women
5. Sexy black albino men
6. "Siamese" twins (particularly the Hensels)
7. Sexy disfigured people
8. Combinations of the above

OK. This is a bit disturbing. I thought they invented DeviantArt so people could commission fetish pics, but, hey, what do I know? Maybe Google's the go-to place for specialty porn now? If so, do I need to start posting pictures of a naked, armless, albino Blackula with his topless conjoined twin Wynona-Rider-lookalike brides?

Or I can rely on links from other blogs and a continued presence on Mr Linky Lists. Yeah. I think I'll take this last route.

---------------------------------------
Note: I think it is clear that this particular post will make the situation much worse. Now there's a single page devoted to all of this nonsense.

3 comments:

Jon Wong said...

Laugh. Out. Loud.

Nicole said...

Ha ha, yep...I ended up finding your blog after doing a Google image search for "albino black people." It led me to the "Sexy Body, Disfigured Body" post, and it moved me beyond words -- as has the rest of your blog.

Your blog is so eloquent. I sifted through the archive for hours and it's safe to say that I am now in love with you, ha ha.

Christian H said...

Thank-you, Nicole.

Blog Widget by LinkWithin