Sunday, 5 April 2009

A Realization

I came to a realization during Praise and Power today, and that is this:

By the end of the month, I will be saying to goodbye to a network of friends that I have by now built to a size larger than I've ever had before. Some of them I actually won't say goodbye to; some of them I've likely already seen the last of. And many of them I will never, ever see again in my entire life.

Now, I'll make a point to go out of my way to see certain people, but I cannot, just by the numbers, go out of my way to see everyone. I know a lot of people. It just can't be done. And the thing is, for some of them, they'll be far enough away that, even though I do feel quite close to them, I still won't be able to see them. Again, this might become more than just, "I don't know when I'll see them again." It's, "I don't know if I'll see them again. As in ever."

For instance, Navs is now over. Unless we make a point to get together again, I have seen a group of people who have come to mean a lot--and I mean a lot--to mean for the last time. Now, I'm going to make a point to try to get together with them, but I should make it clear that, as always with these things, there's no reason to suppose that every person will show. More than likely, I've said, "See you later," to more than one person to whom I should have said, "Goodbye."

I shouldn't dwell on this, but I guess I am anyway. I don't have class tomorrow. I can be as depressed as I want to be. My alarm clock will be turned off.

Which means one thing to me: any opportunity I have to be social, I will take. Any opportunity I have period, I will take. If there was a moment at which you can say, "At this point I have no time to waste," then I'm there.

Now, who knows how I'll feel in the morning, but...

Jon sometimes quotes, "When's the last time you've done something crazy?"
My answer is, "I can't remember."

By the time university is over, I intend to change that.


Kay said...

You and Jon are both such romantics at heart. It doesn't surprise me, but it certainly strikes me every time it surfaces in your writing. It's very refreshing.

Christian H said...

I am romantic in the evenings. I am prosaic in the mornings. Right now, everything seems commonplace again, with no impending melodrama.

Blog Widget by LinkWithin