Friday, 19 June 2009

Personal Resolution Not To Be A Blog Slave: Status = FAILED

I worked at Heritage Park today, helping set up for National Aborignal Day.

Yes, the government has set aside one day for the recognition of Aboriginal people. Before you get all antsy, I'll point out that the Earth gets an hour, and that's not even official. So a day isn't bad. Relatively speaking. Well, yeah, it's pretty bad, but that's beside the point. The point just so happens to be that I worked at Heritage Park today.

Considerations:

1) Cleaning the interiors of ships is not very hard work. Tedious, dusty, cramped, hot, finickety work, yes, but is not physically trying. At the end of the day I am sweating and dirty and my legs are tired, but I am not cardiovascularly exhausted. Preparing for NAD when you haven't been doing that sort of work for two months is. I was in much better shape by this time last summer than I am today. My perseverence is as good as it ever was (which is really the best thing I had going for me: I'd work past my "exhausted" point far longer than most of my coworkers, even if my exhausted point was sometimes sooner). My stamina isn't.

2) The fact that a girl is cute and cheerful and employed at the other site does not mean she is single. Rats. I'm not sure what I was expecting in Fort McMurray.

3) Working away at ships is good for contemplating literary theory, the philosophy of interpersonal relationships, and theology. Working away at events with loads of people is good for actually developing interpersonal relationships.

4) Drinking water when you're very thirsty can make you even thirstier for the rest of the day.

5) I haven't mowed lawns in four years. I haven't really had a lawn to mow, or at least not for more than two weeks at a time. Today was the first in that time. It's not that bad.

6) I am a slave to the computer screen. Or maybe I'm just a bit bored.

7) It's funny. I'm in a lieu period right now. My relationships are in stasus. I'm not developing new ones very much right now. I like my coworkers well enough, but I'm not making the step from 'coworker' to 'friend.' I have made that step once or so in the past, but it isn't really happening right now. And I'm sitting here re-evaluating all of my past friendships and maybe somewhat more than friendships, but I'm not discovering anything new or coming to terms with things I already new. I'm just...re-living it all interally. My isolation isn't really allowing me to develop; perhaps I am allowing my isolation to prevent me from developing. I'm cryogenically frozen, but stuff's still going on anyway. Not much of note, but stuff. Hence blogging all the time, except, unlike Kay or Cait or, I see recently, Roz, it's not really me processing anything. It's just me doing what I always do on my blog, which is keep everything at an even longer arm's length than with people and with myself. My only new discovery is this one: my laid-back approach to relationships is just an excuse to not feel anything, and that goes badly when I can't help feeling something anyway, as I have forgotten how to deal with it. As a result, I am not particularly upset that I am not growing in relationships, even though I suspect cerbrally that it's a bad thing. That is my one new idea, and it counts for absolutely nothing, because over here in stasus, knowing that I am not growing doesn't help an iota. Knowing how to grow might, but I haven't got that figured out yet, and I am feeling too lethargic to figure it out.

8) I need to blog less. It takes up time I could be writing or reading or doing something productive. But I think I enjoy it too much to give it up. And somebody will squawk if I let it slide.

9) A good old-fashioned-looking tipi is really cool. So are older native folks (often elders). And old people in general. I like being around them. Little kids are great too. A little kid came up to me today and we talked about what I was doing, and then about the bumblebee in the flowers. And earlier today an Metis elder helped us erect the tent for the event on Sunday, and we talked about the time he worked on the river boat at the Park and the D250 at my work site.

5 comments:

Jon Wong said...

A girl who is cute and cheerful should be single if you wait long enough. Once in awhile, they get married. Then you sigh and move on.

"Drinking water when you're very thirsty can make you even thirstier for the rest of the day." <-- did not know this.

"my laid-back approach to relationships is just an excuse to not feel anything, and that goes badly when I can't help feeling something anyway, as I have forgotten how to deal with it" <-- I know! Every so often, I get tired of it all and develop a "screw it all" attitude only to realize that I can't actually support this attitude for very long.

I would squawk.

Cait said...

That's really cool about NAD. You're right they do deserve much more than a day - I didn't know that the earth only got an unofficial hour though.

I do hope that you keep blogging. I really enjoy reading your blog.

I understand what you mean about not growing. You're just kind of there, existing. I feel like I'm doing the same thing. Just here. Seriously not doing much in my case, marking time. I hate marking time.

In the people/friend dept I kinda feel the same way. While I don't have co-workers, I have people who are, "hey how's it going?" people, who you see randomly and don't really chat with, and then in the real friend dept I'm lacking. I know it's not the same but I kinda understand where you're coming from.

Also seriously cool about being able to talk with a Metis elder.

Kay said...

I've got a hunch that you're allowing your isolation to prevent you from developing and not the other way around. There's always a side of you that you can develop, such as figuring out a way to connect meaningfully with your coworkers.

This is coming from me though, as someone who is absolutely convinced that there is always a way to better a situation if you look for it hard enough. So yea. But as Jon always says, I really could just be full of shit.

I'm about to spend 2 months with 300 people I don't know. Maybe we'll experience the same sort of stagnation, and then together we can contemplate and brainstorm ways of getting out of it.

roz said...

ditto with what cait said. please keep blogging!

Christian H said...

Jon, most people sigh and move on well before they get married.

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